We’ve Changed Teams Several Times’: Parents Desperate After Son With ASD Endures Ongoing Swim Team Bullying
One of the swimmers was suspended for a week due to aggressive behavior, but the bullying resumed upon his return.
December 4, 2026
This article was last updated by Alisha Shrestha on December 4, 2026
A mother’s emotional post in a popular “Swim Parents” Facebook group sparked widespread concern after she described years of bullying that her 11-year-old son, who has ASD and ADHD, has endured on multiple swim teams.
Despite switching clubs several times and confronting parents, coaches, and team leaders, the harassment has continued, leaving the family exhausted and desperate for solutions.
The mother, posting anonymously, that her son is consistently targeted because he is “the slowest in the group,” while the boys who bully him are among the team’s top-point earners.
One of the swimmers was suspended for a week due to aggressive behavior, but the bullying resumed upon his return. The parent wrote,
My son has ASD and ADHD, and he keeps getting bullied and yelled at by some kids on his swim team. We’ve already spoken with the other parents, but nothing has changed. One of the kids who bullied him was suspended for a week, but now he’s back to bullying my son again. My son is the slowest in the group, and the ones bullying him are some of the top point contributors on the team — which is why they always seem to get away with it. We’ve had to switch teams multiple times because this keeps happening. As parents, we are heartbroken for him, and there are times when he doesn’t even want to go to practice anymore. For those who have experienced something similar, do you have any advice?
Her post grabbed a massive response from coaches, parents, swimmers, and former athletes, many of whom expressed heartbreak and outrage, and others who offered hard-earned wisdom from raising neurodivergent athletes.
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Several commenters emphasized that the primary failure lies not with the children but with the coaches and parents who supervise them.
Rebecca Rae-LeBlanc, a parent of a swimmer with ADHD and anxiety, wrote that the club-level swimming had been her son’s emotional refuge for more than a decade.
The coach should absolutely be putting a stop to this. Zero tolerance when this is supposed to be his safe space. Go above the coaches. Report to USA Swimming….and with actual evidence and outlining of timeline and facts. My son has ADHD and anxiety and was bullied A LOT in middle school. Club level swimming…over 10 years now full-time only taking Augusts off because that’s when the team stops….and it’s always been his safe space when school was soooo sh*tty and unbearable at times for him. So, I feel your pain. Put your foot down. Be strong for your kiddo and encourage him to keep to himself, tune out the noise (as hard as that is, I know) until you all can figure this out. And try to remember, what doesn’t kill him WILL make him stronger. USA Swim will not tolerate this. Praying for you all.
Lynn Wu, a coach, recalled nearly being fired years earlier for disciplining top-performing swimmers who bullied . She said,
I had this same issue when I was coaching years ago and almost got fired for taking those kids out of their races. Yes, they were some of my top performers but I don’t care! I don’t regret it at all! Stand for what’s right! Those “top” swimmers wouldn’t be considered top if I was coaching. I would risk it all again to protect kids who are trying to enjoy this sport! Sorry your child is experiencing this. Might need to consider switching teams if there’s no resolution. Shame on those coaches!
Another parent, Claire Haselwood, wrote,
As a UK based swim parent and club welfare officer this horrifies me. The behaviour should be reported to the club or area welfare officer. We do have swimmer and parent codes of conduct & I also work in conjunction with the club chair to sort out issues. My daughter is 16 and her swim best friend also has ASD and ADHD. When they’re at the club they’re inseparable but also volunteer teachers for new younger swimmers and those in our SEN group.
One of the most widely supported replies came from parent Adri Steyn, who provided a thoughtful explanation of why neurodivergent athletes may struggle in traditional team environments, and why protecting their emotional safety is essential.
She explained that ADHD children often have a 2-3 year emotional development lag, making social conflict, noisy environments, and fast-paced instructions especially overwhelming. She said,
Just showing up is a win. Staying is an even bigger win. Doing it consistently? That’s massive.
Steyn shared her own son’s journey: training privately until age 11, avoiding burnout, building confidence slowly, and eventually thriving with improved performance and personal bests. She wrote,
I didn’t delay him. I preserved his love for the sport.
Another parent agreed:
It’s sad. It doesn’t have to be competitive swimming maybe find another activity for him with better environment. Swimming should be fun for ADHD kids in order for it to work as an intervention. I hope you can join a fun swimming club for kids.
Not everyone in the thread agreed on the approach. One commenter urged the parents to observe practices directly to understand their son’s interactions better, suggesting that his behavior or misunderstanding of cues could unintentionally trigger conflict.
One mother wrote,
I’m ashamed of the club, I’m ashamed of the swimming instructors, and I’m deeply ashamed of the parents as well. There are things that go beyond competition and best times, and that’s basic decency and respect. What an awful world we live in.
Multiple parents in the group said they had similar experiences, describing patterns of bullying in youth swimming that go unaddressed because the offenders are often top performers whom teams hesitate to discipline. One user wrote,
I have heard so many cases of bullying this year it makes my sick and sad. And to make it worse, in almost every situation, the parents do nothing to stop their bullying kids. Bullying is not a right of passage but a behavior that reveals deeper mental issues. If I were in your situation, I would talk to each parent one more time and tell them that whatever they did to stop the bullying failed and that you are giving them as a courtesy one more time to remedy it before you escalate it to all governing authorities. No need to be pleasant with the parents. As for the coach, ask for a private meeting and tape the conversation. Even if not legal in your jurisdiction you can listen to it to get every point across when you report him/her/they to governing authorities. Your kid has enough going on and it is time to become a tiger parent.
Another parent shared that their son, also bullied for years, is at the point where “other kids have ruined the sport he loves.”
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